


Conflicting Love

by steamedempress



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Haru Okumura Week 2018, Trans!Haru, not explicitly stated but implied, p5 spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-09-07 16:48:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16857661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/steamedempress/pseuds/steamedempress
Summary: Coping with loss is never easy. Especially when you can't tell if you're supposed to be sad or not.





	Conflicting Love

An alarm sounded throughout the room, rousing Haru from her dreams. It was bittersweet, on one hand, she’d been thinking non stop about her father, so she’d prefer not to dream about him, but on the other hand, today was a day she’d prefer to sleep. Her mind kept trying to convince her that the events that transpired that day were a dream. But it wasn’t. Her father was dead, and today was his funeral. Even if she’d be an adult in not too long, right now, technically she was an orphan. She’d rather not see her only remaining parent descend into the ground, but she had no choice but to force herself out of bed.

She checked her closet for her black dress, and placed it gently on her sheets. It had been ironed and washed already. All she had to do was put it on. That and her veil. Her chest tightened upon seeing it, her thoughts of this not being real slowly becoming louder. She’ll wake up any second now, and see her reformed father. She pushed the thought away, knowing it was nothing but a coping mechanism, and left to go take a shower. Once inside, all she could do was stare at her feet. Nothing was going through her mind at this point. She regained awareness, finished the shower, and wrapped herself in a towel. She walked over to her sink, and sat on top of it. She picked up her blow dryer, and put it back down without finishing.

She waited for her father to walk in. To tell her she was taking too long. That they had things to do today, and she was holding them up. Just as she along with the phantom thieves had stolen his heart, he was stolen from her too. The father she remembered from long ago, who was genuinely a good person, was going to return. They were going to be a true family again. But nothing was allowed to ever go the way she wanted. She wasn’t allowed to be happy. Everytime things looked good, reality comes to smack her back down. Rage swirled around inside her. At the world, and the thieves for deceiving her. But you wouldn’t know it from looking at her. Her face showed nothing but a neutral expression. 

She took a deep breath, reminding herself she had to keep her composure. There was no way of knowing that the team intended to kill him. They had never killed up to that point, there was no reason to start. They were just as shocked as she was. But on the other hand, they were thieves. Masters of deception. But they were also her friends. The only friends she had. She had to have faith in them. That what happened was an honest mistake, or not their fault at all. It was one of the only things keeping her going. A knock on the door made her heart nearly jump out of her throat. 

“Father!?” She exclaimed, not thinking first. She returned to reality, knowing it was impossible. It was only a butler, telling her that Sugimura was waiting for her. Haru opened the door and apologized for the wait, before walking back to her room. She looked around, at her clothes, her bed, all of it purchased by him. Even the dress she was wearing to his funeral, was something he bought. It all reminded her of him. She couldn’t escape. She was only still on this Earth because of her father. However, he didn’t only do good, and she had to remember that fact as well.

He is why she was engaged to Sugimura. He is why she was damned to be the trophy of an abusive man who wanted nothing more than a “sexy” young girl under his thumb. In that regard, she felt she should be cheering with glee that he was gone. But she wasn’t. She couldn’t. With her apparel now on, she slowly walked downstairs to see her fiance’s smug grin. A grin she didn’t want to see. It angered her more than nearly anything else in the world. Of course, a “proper lady” couldn’t show that. That is what she was told. In hindsight, it was probably a method for him to treat her however he wanted, without her speaking back. So he wouldn’t have to deal with the guilt of his actions. That is, if he had that capability back when he was alive. There was another man who’s grin gave her the opposite feeling, but sadly, he wasn’t here to protect her.

“Sorry for the wait Sugimura-san.” She apologized.

“What took you so long?” He demanded. 

“I’m... moving slowly today. I’m sorry.”

“That’s just how women are, always taking forever to get ready. Not even enough respect for your deceased father to be punctual.” He walked off, and she silently followed. In a faux display of chivalry, he opened the door for her, and she entered. He got in as well, and the drive began. Haru stared out the window. It was a sunny beautiful day. Another example of how wrong her disposition felt to her. Sugimura didn’t seem too depressed on the other hand. It was just another day to him. Her father did much for him too, and yet he couldn’t show any sympathy. Yet she was the ungrateful one. His fingers snapped, trying to get her attention, as if he was talking to a dog. Apparently he was speaking the whole time and she never heard him. 

“Are you just going to stare into space all day?”

“Sorry…”

“It’s fine.” He said with a glare, just to make sure she knew it wasn’t fine at all. He put his hand on her shoulder, as if trying to comfort her, and it slowly fell to her chest. But she didn’t care right now. 

“You’re all mine Haru.” 

Haru nodded in response reluctantly. She was his. Nowhere to run. The car came to a stop, and he quickly got out in order to open the door for her. She walked forward, many staring at her and many mumbling. She didn’t hear what they were saying, not due to their voices being too low, but due to a lack of interest. She took a seat, and Sugimura sat next to her, and squeezed her hand. To anyone looking, this was a display of love and support. But she knew the truth. The entire funeral, she listened intently to what everyone had to say about him. Eventually, she was asked if she’d like to say a few words. She stood up, and Sugimura let go. She slowly walked up to the podium.

“Kunikazu Okumura… was a remarkable man. He saved me. He changed my life. Had I been born to a weaker man… things would be very different. I’m not even sure if I’d still be alive. He protected me. He was stern, demanding, but more than anything, he loved me. He raised me, even after Mother passed so long ago. I didn’t always agree with him, but I believe I speak for everyone when I say, he was taken from us far… far too soon. He’ll always be with me. Father. I promise to become a woman you can tell Mother all about. That you can tell Grandfather about. And that Okumuras will talk about for generations. I’m going to make you proud.”

The funeral roared with applause as she walked back to her seat. Not a single tear was shed. Her voice didn’t even crack. Sugimura probably thought of her as heartless. But she just couldn’t. Not only did she not want to cry in front of so many people, but she couldn't make herself do it. Not even in private. All she knew for sure as she sat back down, was that things were going to get even worse and worse. Just how her life was.

**Author's Note:**

> Gonna be honest, this is my first real attempt at straight up angst. I think I got the point across though. Tomorrow should be happier!


End file.
